At some point over the last couple of years I recognized a delay in my processing of negative emotions. At the time that I really started to look at it, the time frame was about two days. Approximately 48 hours after a triggering incident occurred, I would be able to understand and articulate how I felt about it. Between the time that I’ve taken in observing this in myself, and the safety that I’ve found with a very patient partner in a healthy relationship, there have now been actual moments where I have experienced and responded to negative emotion in real time. Unfortunately my initial reaction doesn’t necessarily reflect what I’m truly upset about. It takes a little time to sort through it and get past the visceral angry reaction that I’m just not familiar with. For the first time in my life I have someone who is able to hear me out and not react in anger himself. He can give the space that I need to follow the path to the heart of the problem. It is scary and embarrassing, weird and overwhelming. I keep expecting him to get frustrated and walk out or yell at me. When that doesn’t happen, and instead the issue gets discussed and resolved, I am so at peace. For once in my life, my feelings actually matter.