In a way this feels kind of like coming out of the closet. Where I’ve been hiding my mental illness from myself for all of these years. My entire life has been denial.
Instead of actively recovering, I’ve just continued to traumatize myself with denial. I learned at a very young age to deny my own feeling. Nobody had time or interest for that. There was barely time to do the very difficult tasks of daily life, let alone acknowledge the irrelevant feelings of a sensitive child. I was told repeatedly how over sensitive I was to everything.
Well now it would seem like all that I’ve done to hide and avoid it isn’t really working anymore. Going through the motions simply isn’t cutting it these days.
When I turn to the lovely interwebs for advice on how to heal the PTSD, they say to talk about it. Tell the stories. Tell them again and again.
Okay, I’m working on it. What else can I do?