We went to the beach. I was 6 and there were 6 adults on this trip to Virginia Beach. My mom, grandfather, 3 aunts and 1 uncle were all on vacation. There was water, sand and people as far as I could see. As is pretty common in my childhood, there are no other kids with us, I am essentially alone. The adults are not there to play with me, they are on vacation and I am just kind of along for the ride. So they set up on the sand with chairs and towels and look toward the water. I have a little yellow bucket. I get down into the sand and discover a shell. Most likely my very first ever seashell, but there wasn’t any acknowledgement of that. I put it in the bucket. Looking around i discover that I’m surrounded by seashells. So I start to fill the bucket. Taking just a couple of steps forward after each one to reach the next.
The next thing I know, I look to my right, where my family had been, and they are gone. Sheer panic sets over me. My poor little 6 year old brain had no idea what had happened. I knew that they didn’t really want me there but I had no idea they might actually leave me. I thought that they left me on purpose.
Someone took me to a lifeguard stand, and the lifeguard started walking with me along the boardwalk to look for them. I can almost remember him saying, “I’m sure they didn’t leave you, we’ll find them.” and of course he was right. They were all walking toward us along the boardwalk looking for me. My mom seemed somewhat relieved to see me, but my grandfather was angry and said that I should get a spanking. I was absolutely mortified. Fortunately my mom intervened and said that I didn’t do it on purpose.
They should’ve said it wasn’t my fault. They should have apologized for not watching out for me. They should’ve assured me that there was no way that they would ever leave me on purpose.
It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. No one ever showed me how to find my way. There was no way for me to know. It wasn’t my fault.
I wish that they had played with me. Not just sat on the beach to stare at the water.
I wish that someone made me feel like I belonged with them. That I was not in the way or just along for the ride because there wasn’t any place for me, but that I really belonged.
I wish that someone had been excited for my first time at the beach and finding my first seashell.
I wish that they had gone in the water and splashed with me.
I wish that someone had taught me how to find my way back.
Leave a Reply